Milton‘s Musing Old Possum‘s Book of Practical Cats by Eliot Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer

MUNGOJERRIE AND RUMPELTEAZER

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were a very notorious
            couple of cats.
As knockabout clowns, quick-change comedians, tight-rope
            walkers and acrobats
They had an extensive reputation. They made their home in
            Victoria Grove—
That was merely their centre of operation, for they were
            incurably given to rove.
They were very well known in Cornwall Gardens, in Launceston
            Place and in Kensington Square—
They had really a little more reputation than a couple of cats
            can very well bear.

        If the area window was found ajar
        And the basement looked like a field of war,
        If a tile or two came loose on the roof,
        Which presently ceased to be waterproof,
        If the drawers were pulled out from the bedroom chests,
        And you couldn't find one of your winter vests,
        Or after supper one of the girls
        Suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls:
Then the family would say: 'It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie—or Rumpelteazer!'—And most of the
            time they left it at that.

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a very unusual gift of the gab.
They were highly efficient cat-burglars as well, and remarkably
            smart at a smash-and-grab.
They made their home in Victoria Grove. They had no
            regular occupation.
They were plausible fellows, and liked to engage a friendly
            policeman in conversation.

        When the family assembled for Sunday dinner,
        With their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner
        On Argentine joint, potatoes and greens,
        And the cook would appear from behind the scenes
        And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow:
        'I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow!
        For the joint has gone from the oven—like that!'
Then the family would say: 'It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie—or Rumpelteazer!'—And most of the
            time they left it at that.

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a wonderful way of
            working together.
And some of the time you would say it was luck, and some of
            the time you would say it was weather.
They would go through the house like a hurricane, and no
            sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie—or Rumpelteazer? or could you have
            sworn that it mightn't be both?

        And when you heard a dining-room smash
        Or up from the pantry there came a loud crash
        Or down from the library came a loud ping
        From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming—
Then the family would say: 'Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie! AND Rumpelteazer!'—And there's
            nothing at all to be done about that!